More Bad News For Bigfoot

You've all followed the story right?

A couple of guys claimed they found a family of Bigfoot, noticed a dead one and hauled it back to a freezer in their garage or basement or something. They then froze the Bigfoot corpse solid and started contacting the press.

A promoter/Bigfoot hunter gave the men some up-front money against future earnings if they would turn it over to him and let him do the authentication before taking Bigs on the road.

After a huge press conference, they turned over the freezer and... made themselves scarce.

Why? Because this:


turned out to be a fake. When the freezer thawed out, there was obviously nothing but a costume inside.

This is bad news for Bigfoot hunters, scientists and several other bipedal mammals, but the news anchors and reporters failed to talk about the shadow it will cast on this year's presidential election. The mad scramble to prove or disprove the authenticity of the thing in the freezer turned up more than anyone expected.

I'm sorry. I don't want to admit it any more than you do, but

The Yogi Bear/Bigfoot presidential ticket isn't going to happen.


That's right. BEARFOOT in '08 is history.
Here's why:

1. Cloud of uncertainty hangs around Bigfoot's birthplace. May be a Canadian.

2. Yogi's felony arrests for pic-i-nic basket theft and hiker mauling.

3. NRA wouldn't endorse them; both candidates support gun control. Heavily.

4. Bigfoot is a Nader fan, Yogi refuses to go third party.

5. Boo Boo's threats to disclose certain information about Yogi's lifestyle.

6. Yogi's laughable foreign policy.

So there it is. As much as it hurts, I said it. I think we can all start the healing process and move on. I'm going outside right now and take the sign off my lawn.



Won't you do the same?