A more wretched hive of scum and villainy...

I'm not sure how this works exactly, but the US Federal Aviation Administration gave its official okey-dokey to the world's (galaxy's?) first commercial spaceport on Thursday.

After some tests, they granted Spaceport America a license for vertical and horizontal space launches. The terminal and hangar facility for horizontal launches is planned for completion by late 2010. This is all according to the New Mexico Space Authority (NMSA). What'dya mean who?

NMSA hopes to sign an agreement by the end of the year with Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic.

When I saw this story I thought they meant a port IN space. Seemed to make sense to me.

You found what, now?

From the Associated Press

Human-sized heart found at the Paw Paw car wash

PAW PAW, Mich. – A human-sized heart found at a southwestern Michigan car wash has investigators wondering whether it came from a person or an animal. The organ was discovered in a corner of a manual wash bay at Soapy's Car Wash, Paw Paw police said. The owner of the business found it Monday on the floor of the bay, according to WOOD-TV in Grand Rapids and WWMT-TV in Kalamazoo.

Police first took the heart to an animal clinic, where a veterinarian was unable to determine its origin. The next stop was a local cardiologist, who said while it was "consistent in size to a human heart," he could not make a conclusive determination as to its source, said police Chief Patrick W. Alspaugh.

The chief took the organ Tuesday to Lansing's Sparrow Hospital, where forensic scientists were to examine it. "If it's a human heart, that prompts the question, 'Then where's the body?'" Alspaugh told the Kalamazoo Gazette.

He said he didn't know when the forensic scientists will give him their findings.

If it turns out that the heart came from an animal, it would not be the first time that someone has left animal parts at the car wash. The owner told police that animal parts had been left before at the car wash, but never a heart.

The cops are wondering if its a human or animal heart? That's their first question? Then where's the body, is their second question? I admit those are right up there on the list. Somewhere near WTF? And the owner says other animal parts were left there before? What the hell kind of car wash is that?

A word from our sponsor

Today's ferry ride is brought to you by:

The number nine.

Just Plane Crazy

Over at Aviation.com, columnist David Armstrong posted his list, The Best Movies About Airplanes and Airports. It's a good collection of what he refers to as a subjective list of the 10 best feature films about civil aviation. He has some good ones, but there was at least one I thought was a little more memorable.

1 - Airplane!
2 - United 93
3 - The Aviator
4 - Catch Me if you Can
5 - Airport
6 - Tokyo Joe
7 - The Terminal
8 - Octopussy
9 - Snakes on a Plane
10 - Air Force One

If you're going to include a movie like Air Force One, how can you ignore Die Hard II? The entire movie takes place with Brue Willis in an airport and Bonnie Bedelia on a plane.

Of course Passenger 57 and Executive Decision didn't make the cut, but what can you do? No one wants both Wesley Snipes and Steven Seagal on any list together.

Scooby Doo, Where are you?

Where are those meddling kids when you need them?

A burglar in Kuala Lumpur claims that he was held captive by a ghost in a house he broke into.

He says the "Supernatural Figure" wouldn't let him have food or water for three days and was only saved when the owners came home from vacation.


Police officials decided not to comment on this one.

Super Freaky (the kind you don't take home to mutha)

National Geographic has photos of this squid from a mile and a half down in the Gulf of Mexico. The photos were taken by a Shell Oil remote controlled vehicle.



Pretty odd. I think it looks like one of the face-huggers from Aliens.

Free book? Why not?

The site From the Asylum is giving away 10 copies of their anthology, Loving the Undead.


You just have to read a few stories and answer a trivia question.

I found the answer in one of the first stories I read.

I'd just give you the answer, but that would make me an enabler.

I'm Huge!

Golly, I miss MST3K!

Man, do I miss the 70's (in a round-about, crazy, not-really way)!

I was doing my mandatory community service... er cleaning out some of my boxes of crap when I came across this:


Yep, an old-school Battlestar Galactica coloring and activity book, circa 1978. I was amazed at the content of the 'activity' book. It ranged from the simple puzzles to the very morbid in the pictures to color.
Try this: Find the letter that appears more than once in this puzzle.


In case you missed it, my 7 year-old self has helpfully circled it for you. Plus the answer is at the bottom, upside down.

How about this for a kid's puzzle?


I didn't copy the puzzle itself, but I'm sure you can read the instructions on this page. You're supposed to help Adama count the incoming missiles! Yes, in the face of impending doom, let's get the kids to help out. Surely their counts won't be off. And if they are, what's the worst that could happen?

Here's a page to color that is pretty representative of the images throughout the activity book:



Hey kids! Color the Colonial Warrior as he desperately struggles to keep the Cylon's blade from piercing his abdomen!

Yay! I might get to use my red crayon!

Never attempt a world record on an empty stomach

So, in Tehran they attempted the world record for the largest sandwich. It was 1,500 meters long, allegedly, and was being stuffed with ostrich meat and chicken.

A funny thing happened on the way to measuring it, though. The crowd of over-excited Iranians surged forward and ate it! Ate the potential record-setting sandwich before it got measured.


The judges say it's possible they could check video for evidence and still get the record.

Ooo! Carry Me! Carry Me!

Comic book cover art is all about getting the consumer to pick up that issue and buy it. There are tons of great covers out there, but today let's look at that time-honored tradition of the carry.

Usually its a hero or heroine being carried, or a hero doing the carrying. For clarification, here's an example from The Flash:


What? The Flash running from something? Carrying a woman?

Ok, that's not really a great example of what we're talking about, but at least you get the visual.
The 'Carry' cover can have little to do with the actual issue...


Uncle Sam carrying a dead Wonder Woman? Oh no, how can that be?
Here's another good example of this one from The Fantastic Four:


Reed's dead? Nooooo!!!

But, sometimes the Carry is actually representative of the issue. Check out this Batman carry:


and this Crisis Carry:


There are other types of Carry covers. There's the 'But How?' Carry, like this one from the X-Men:


Prof. Xavier and Magneto fighting together? And the Professor is standing? And holding a woman? But how?

This is an extreme example from Star Wars:


C3PO carrying an injured Luke? But how? I suppose it's possible but...

Whatever is happening on the Carry cover, it's designed to make you ask a question and hope that gets you to buy the comic.


Daredevil and Man-Thing fighting in a swamp over some guy? Why?


Gigantic Stormtroopers carrying Princess Leia off to a Tie Bomber? Whaaaat?


The one dude from the New Mutants carrying off the one girl from the New Mutants, while the other New Mutants struggle in a fire? Huuuhhh?


Superman vs. Bizarro Superman for Lois Lane? OMG! No way!


The Werewolf carrying off a woman while the villagers close in with torches? How in the... Ok that probably happened every issue. Bad example. Should've stopped with Superman.

Art I Dig

I bought a pretty cool print at a festival recently. The artist is Adam Brouillette.
I stupidly haven't taken a picture of the work I bought and it's too big to scan. I'll get to it. Meanwhile, check out some of his work from his site, Little Red Men.

He's got another good Pirate/Sea theme with this one:

That's how much of his work goes; a little off, a little funny and a lot of Little Red Men.

The Sun is spotless

Scientists are curious as to why our Sun hasn't had any spots for a good long time this year. 200 days and counting so far.

Nobody really knows what this means, but the sunspot activity hasn't been this low since the 50's, so it naturally make people talk and speculate. And cry.

Ok, none of the scientists are crying yet, but that would be funny wouldn't it? If they broke down sobbing whenever confronted by an unusual occurrence? No? Just me? Fine.

Alright already.

You heard me. Giant. Styrofoam. Robots.

Oh I wish I could attend this excellent exhibit at the San Jose Museum of Art. It only goes until October 19th, though.

Robots: Evolution of a Cultural Icon features the work of many artists, including Michael Salter’s packing foam robot creations like this one:

His largest is 22 feet tall.

I love art. Why don't more museums have 2 story robots on exhibit?

Stories I had nothing to do with

The US Navy says they have found the wreckage of lost WWII submarine, the USS Grunion.

An Austrailian boy broke into a zoo, killed some animals and fed others to a crocodile.

The Ig Nobels are out.

The Mob Museum will open soon in Vegas. The official name of it? The (redacted) Museum: The Las Vegas Museum of Organized Crime and Law Enforcement. Hmmm. Should make for interesting t-shirts.

You hate to see that.

According to news reports, a Ft. Meyers, Florida man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him.

The two had returned home from a bar (Alcohol was involved? Shocking!) and the man wanted to the one-on-one version of the hokey-pokey. She wanted to sleep.

So, naturally the man went into the next room and shot himself in the arm.

Twice.

After that, he apparently threatened her then stumbled into the kitchen where he fell and knocked himself unconscious against the stove.

Talk about not being your night. Whew.

The story seems odd to me because usually women denied me sex AFTER I shot myself a few times, not before.

Did someone say Mothman? No? Oh, my bad.

Is it that time again? Has it been a year already?

It just wouldn't be September without the annual Mothman Festival, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you. You no doubt visited Point Pleasant, West Virginia yourself to drink Mothman lattes, eat Mothman Pancakes and sing Mothman songs (ok, I didn't hear any songs).

Maybe you dressed like one of the Men in Black, a ghost, the Ghostbusters or Mothman himself.


Surely you took a picture in front of the permanent, giant metal statue of the Mothman.


Then you must have stopped by to stock up on t-shirts, mugs, post cards, books, graphic novels, necklaces and wind-chimes (all Mothman-centric).


No?

Huh.

Was your Mothman alarm clock not working this morning?

Sorry, nothing witty.

I have nothing to say about Joss Whedon's upcoming midseason Fox drama, Dollhouse yet.

I won't cringe because I hear they're doing script rewrites, I haven't gone to check out any leaked pages or scripts. I'll wait and just watch the show. I know the basic premise and that's enough for now. I went into Firefly knowing nothing about the show and I was just getting started on Buffy, so I got to be pleasantly surprised by how much I loved both.

There is, however, one thing I know for sure about the show:

Eliza Dushku.

Ah yes. There will be no further comment.

Go away now.

The boat is plenty big

The larger-than-life fisherman/sharkhunter Frank Mundus, said to be the inspiration for the character of Quint in Jaws, passed away last week.


His wife said he suffered a heart attack, his second in less than a week.

According to one article he once harpooned a 4,500 pound great white shark, and caught another 3,400 lb one with a rod and reel.

The article also quoted him as once saying "I had a lot of close calls," he once said. "Probably too many close calls."

For most people in the world of sharks, one close call is too many.

He called Jaws the "funniest and the stupidest" movie he had ever seen.

Yeti Love from the Comics

I've recently discovered the awesomeness that is I Love the Yeti. As the name implies, the site offers tons of artwork of the Yeti, links to the Yeti art of others, and a look at things which might seem Yeti at first glance, but on closer inspection, aren't.

I was perusing my comic book collection for the first time in years (honest) and was surprised at how many times a Yeti showed up on covers.

As a tip of the cap to I Love the Yeti, here are a few of them.

After the success early on of the Indiana Jones movies, Marvel Comics had a fairly decent series based on the the character. Naturally, he eventually ended up in the Himalayas.

I occasionally checked out the comic book Alpha Flight. Mainly because they crossed paths with the X-Men on a frequent basis. Alpha Flight was kinda the Canadian version of the X-Men. They did have a member named Sasquatch, and yes, that's what he was. At one point, a shapeshifter decided the best way to fight Sasquatch, was to become one. The shapeshifter could only transform into white creatures so this is what you get...

Maybe we can classify that one in the not Yeti column?

Another that hovers on the Yeti/Not line comes from Batman.

In this issue, Batman is on the trail of a crook that leaves his victims frozen solid, kinda like Mr. Freeze. His investigation leads him to follow a champion skier as his prime suspect. His investigation leads him to discover the suspect's mother's diary. Here it's revealed that she was once stranded on a mountain and near death. She was rescued by a stranger who nursed her back to health. Apparently, she was very grateful. Not until after showing her gratitude did she realize who her hero really was..

Yeah. Him.

Now, I'm no expert, but even if they were waiting out a horrible snowstorm in a dark cave with no fire, wouldn't there be other ways of figuring out she was shacking up with a Yeti? Never mind.

Anyway, the son turned out to be a sort of superpowered combination of human and Yeti, able to change his looks from normal to, well, this:

What name is that? Snowman. Not really all that frightening, actually. Eh. Whatta ya gunna do? All the good cold-weather villain names were probably taken.

I write a column under the name Jane Doe

Fletch author Gregory Mcdonald passed away at his farm in Tennessee. He was 71.

Chevy Chase played Mcdonald's Irwin M. Fletcher twice in the 80's, in Fletch and Fletch Lives.

Ah yes. This is news.

I noticed several on-line news sources today actually used a story about Kentucky Fried Chicken's secret recipe.


It seems they're moving the actual original written recipe to an undisclosed location while they beef up security at the recipe's permanent home.

There was also a mention that they were going to somehow add the recipe for original recipe chicken strips to that secure area for some reason.

I did mention many news outlets covered this, right? Sigh.

Not long after I checked my email and found the latest email from KFC (yes, I subscribe to their wonderful mailing list). What are they featuring in their message to their customers? The new original recipe chicken strips.
What else? They offer you the chance to put your biggest secret in their virtual 'Secret Safe'. http://www.kfc.com/secretsafe/

"Who better than KFC to protect your biggest secret? The same company that has kept the Colonel's Original Recipe a secret for decades will now keep your secret safe! Enter your secret below to place it in the Colonel's Secret Safe for some finger-lickin' safekeeping!"

This is funny enough, but what happens when you click their link?

"Shhh... And to make sure your secret stays completely anonymous, please do not include any personal information... no names please!"

Tell us your darkest secret... but please, don't tell us who you are! My secret is #7729. Ooops. Damn, I wasn't supposed to tell you that.
After you've entered your secret, you are given the option to find out more about Original Recipe Strips. Yay!

First of all - Was this a news story? Nope. If one reporter would've done an ounce of research, it would've been obvious that this was just something to get publicity for their new product. Second - When can get the strips, and why didn't my email have coupons in it?

More Bad News For Bigfoot

You've all followed the story right?

A couple of guys claimed they found a family of Bigfoot, noticed a dead one and hauled it back to a freezer in their garage or basement or something. They then froze the Bigfoot corpse solid and started contacting the press.

A promoter/Bigfoot hunter gave the men some up-front money against future earnings if they would turn it over to him and let him do the authentication before taking Bigs on the road.

After a huge press conference, they turned over the freezer and... made themselves scarce.

Why? Because this:


turned out to be a fake. When the freezer thawed out, there was obviously nothing but a costume inside.

This is bad news for Bigfoot hunters, scientists and several other bipedal mammals, but the news anchors and reporters failed to talk about the shadow it will cast on this year's presidential election. The mad scramble to prove or disprove the authenticity of the thing in the freezer turned up more than anyone expected.

I'm sorry. I don't want to admit it any more than you do, but

The Yogi Bear/Bigfoot presidential ticket isn't going to happen.


That's right. BEARFOOT in '08 is history.
Here's why:

1. Cloud of uncertainty hangs around Bigfoot's birthplace. May be a Canadian.

2. Yogi's felony arrests for pic-i-nic basket theft and hiker mauling.

3. NRA wouldn't endorse them; both candidates support gun control. Heavily.

4. Bigfoot is a Nader fan, Yogi refuses to go third party.

5. Boo Boo's threats to disclose certain information about Yogi's lifestyle.

6. Yogi's laughable foreign policy.

So there it is. As much as it hurts, I said it. I think we can all start the healing process and move on. I'm going outside right now and take the sign off my lawn.



Won't you do the same?

The Super Friends get no respect.

The Super Friends were never allowed to play in any of D.C.'s reindeer games. Their stories weren't a part of the overall continuity, and with pretty good reason. I recently stumbled on the trades of the SF comic series and found some things that would make your cape curl (not in a good way).

Example?
How about this one, where The Overlord built some puppets and then put on a mind control helmet and was immediately able to addle the Super Friends' minds? He
controlled them all at the same time, making them angry and ready to take over the world.

Naturally, Wonder Woman went to free the oppressed women of Africa, The Wonder Twins decided to take over all of Europe and Asia (Huh? What was the plan there?), Robin went to crush Australia, Batman covered North America and Superman, naturally, wanted to put the smackdown on South America. Yeah.

Anyway, Supes ran into trouble.



Yes, the Green Fury showed up to stop him. She eventually showed off some pretty rockin' powers.

Eventually.

That's all well and good, unless you show up like this...



Yeah. She rode in on green flames coming out of her nose! Think about that. Superman, in all his crazy powerful glory, versus the flaming snot powers of The Heroine of Brazil.

Are you seriously going to ask what the outcome was?

Sure, the comic was aimed at a younger audience, but come on.

Oh. My bad.

I was very excited about this movie Tropic Thunder. Sounded awesome until I realized my mistake:

I was thinking Tropic Thundaar.



Come on! Jack Black as Ookla the Mok, maybe get your Gretchen Mol or your Amy Adams to play Ariel. It'll happen my friends.They all head out in their dune buggy and hit some tropical, yet post-apocalyptic wasteland. Yeah. I'm down for that.

Who would play Thundaar, though? Knowing Hollywood? I'm guessing Will Ferrell.